Disappointments

After a slew of disappointments, I already know my place. How many disappointments do it take for one to realise what is to being a human? The idea of a "me" is a slippery slope. On one hand, we believe that "me" is the centre of the universe. Yet, the truth is, "me" is just a concept which fundamentally builds itself around a greater universe.

It is haunting to keep imaging where the universe stretches to.

It is equally haunting to imagine what would happen if there are no more living things once every earth-planets is destroyed via some cosmical events. Forever. Perpetual.

Hence, the concept of "me" is irrelevant, given the scale of things that surrounds us everyday and every second. The grandiose version of "me".

The funny thing is we tricked ourselves into thinking that we need to do something. Hence, self-centricity. We work hard to earn money and to use the money for our benefits. We need more money to appeal to our inner "me". To feed it. To glorify it. And to give it a sense of purpose.

We surround ourselves with peers and friends because we are all lonely. Very lonely in this vast emptiness of space. We believe the friendship can shield us from all the eventualities. Truth is, once we head back from a party, from a friend's house, from work, from school, we are but a lonely people trying again to find a sense of purpose in life.

Can our friends, with a different set of goals and experiences, really feel for us? Or do we seek solace in their listening ears?

Disappointments arise from "me" expecting a certain set of behaviors and reactions from "other mes", and yet, "me" got a totally different set of behaviors and reactions. In short, "other mes" did not met "me's" selfish expectations.

Frustrations. Irritations. All are how "me" show the world, what an unfair place this is.

How many disappointments do it take to make anyone realise that we are not that significant?

Thoughts from Starbucks

The first day of CNY, and I spending the afternoon in a Starbucks at the Central. My parents and my brother went to Japan, and leaving me behind. Actually, its ok. I kinda like the feeling of being alone. CNY used to be hectic rush from one relative's place to another. And it is really boring and tiring. Yes. It is great time to spend time with the extended family. Yet, I somehow feel that the connection is not there.

The new year begets new life-style and resolutions.

Resolutions however are very dangerous. It is tantamount to eat pure fats. Both are bad for your heart.

Well, as far as my job is concerned. I have another 2 years to fulfil what I wanted to achieve. Hence, just hold tight and ride it out.

For CFA. Damn. Just P A S S the 3 levels!

CPA? I wanna get the australia one. Enough said.

Anything else is just strawberries on the plate.

Happy Lunar New Year

With the strike of the clock, we were ushered into the year of the Tiger. The bright fireworks filled the sky. The blasts of the fireworks drove all the past away. A tranquil sense of peace filled the place. The Lunar New Year is the biggest event in the Chinese calendar. In China, millions of people will travel back to where they came from. The hardship involved. The pain. The sufferings. All for that few days of meeting with families and friends.

What is the meaning of the Lunar New Year in our context. The Singapore context.

It seems that the atmosphere was thin. The celebrations are but obligatory. What Singaporeans looked forward to, is the rest days that awaits. A few days off from the mundane working life. To sleep in. To meet up with people. To watch television.

Hence, what is the real meaning of Lunar New Year? From ancient times, the Lunar New Year symbolized hope and anew. Where hatreds, disappointments, pains and sufferings of the yester-year disappears upon the lighting of the fire-crackers. A commencement party of a new year of farming. Where everyone is supposed to grow up by a year.

In modern-day China, the Lunar New Year shed new stories on the hardship of the people from the rural areas. We can see their tears when they failed to get any tickets. We can see their joy when they started to talk about their family, thousands of li away. They can stand for days. They have to brave the chill. They even have to wear adult diapers just to avoid going to the toilet and hence losing their "standing" place on the buses or trains.

For Singaporeans, let's just make Lunar New Year a special occasion to spend quality time with the family, the extended family and friends. Eat, drink, laugh, mahjong and television. Yea, please spend time away from the computer to do all that.

Table for one

It is getting harder to ignore that I am single. The disillusion that I am happy being alone is being blurred by the social norms. As I scroll through the facebook, I see a lot of my peers getting married and some of them are dads and moms.

I have to decide quick.Time is obviously not on my side.